Just about a year ago, our church remodeled one of the auditoriums. This is a gathering room where Wednesday night services are held, along with some special services involving certain ministries, etc.
Daniel's choir class sings, often in the Wednesday service, and we went to the auditorium to watch the fourth grade sing a few weeks after they reopened the auditorium.
Imagine my horror when I saw that the pews had been replaced with this theater like seating. My heart immediately sunk, because I knew I would never be able to squeeze my ample rear end into the seats. I precariously perched myself at the very edge of a seat, causing my knees to scream under the added pressure. I sat and felt hot, humiliated tears roll down my cheeks, tears I held back until Daniel left to join his choir,
I was so distraught that I penned a letter to the pastor, telling him I felt like I was being fat shamed out of the services. Randall tried to be as supportive as possible, telling me about several other members of the congregation that he saw also struggling with being comfortable in the new seats. I love him for trying to help, but it just didn't.
I never sent the letter, and over time, I made my peace with the issue, and only went to the auditorium when I absolutely had to. It made my heart sad that I was missing services that the church had, but felt like I had no choice. As I lost some weight, I also luckily found a few Handicapped seats at the very back that had one arm that would raise, and it allowed my overflow to overflow that side, making the seats more tolerable. At the same time, it made me feel even worse in a way, just making it all that much more blatantly obvious that my weight was handicapping me, preventing me from experiencing all that my life could offer me.
Two weeks ago, Randall and I started a training series at church on Sunday mornings - we were chosen to represent our Sunday School class, so there was no way we would decline the opportunity. Imagine my chagrin when I found out it was being held in the auditorium!
Of course, the instructor wanted everyone to sit at the front, which made me feel even more like a circus freak show when we sat in the back row where the handicapped seating was. I was just grateful that we weren't made even moire of a spectacle by the instructor.
Fast forward to week two. We came in to class yesterday and took our seats. I did notice that sitting there was even more comfortable than before to sir there. I looked at Randall and said," I think I'm going to try a regular seat. " I could tell he was a little apprehensive, not wanting me to be hurt again.
I got up, and slowly lowered myself between the two arms.
All. The. Way. Back.
I fit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the second time in just a year, these seats reduced me to tears, This time, very very happy tears. I had been a bit lax in my carbs lately - case in point - Randall and I split a muffin before entering the auditorium that day - and but was sure fire motivation.
Bacon and coffee for breakfast this morning, and then its on to a Memorial Day cookout at Mom's - steaks and cauli-rice.
Its nice to be back to being a loser. Ha! Made you smile!
